Allright, I will admit it. I miss her. It even led me to Blog after not blogging for quite some time. But, I don’t get it. She has only been gone for one week. Shouldn’t be any big deal for veterans like us.
My wife Mary is in Michigan with our kiddos and grand-kiddos. We have been married for almost 31 years. You would think that I would fly through these days like no problem.
I have to admit the first couple of days were easy. I was so busy that I really didn’t think too much about her being gone. But, then I started to realize that I wanted someone to talk to when I got home and I am not used to sleeping alone.
More specifically, I wanted my Mary! I admit it. I am kind of a wimp when it comes to being alone. I need her in my life so much.
There is a false assumption that when you have known someone or have been with someone for a long time that you are cool when you have to be apart. After all, isn’t it the young couples who feel all those romantic feelings and can’t stop touching.
So, why would an old (older at least) fart like me having separation anxiety. Again, remember I admitted already that I am a total wimp. So, you can laugh at me but I had the first laugh… not sure that makes it better.
Anyway, here is what I am learning not only from my own experience but also from watching couples who have lost spouses through death. It actually gets harder the longer you have been connected to another person. The “miss you” feeling intensifies.
My theory is that love really does grow as time goes on. If you stick with a person for a long time through all the pitfalls and all the tough situations and all the arguments. If you refuse to give up on each other, you hurt when that person is away or gone.
Mary already knows that when it comes to the discussion of death, I for sure want to be the first to go. She is stronger than I am and can handle it better. Again, remember the wimp admission.
Thankfully, we will be reconnected in about a week. I will be more than ready. I am even ready for those long conversations when I barely say two words. Or, holding her hand or just sitting in the same room with her or looking into her eyes.
Did I tell you that this wimp is a hopeless romantic. My heart still skips a beat when she walks into the room. Ah yes, even us old dudes have feelings!